HURTFUL

If I hear or read that someone’s  (read: politician’s) words were “hurtful” one more time…

How did things get so far? Unless I’m mistaken, my generation was raised on “sticks and stones will break my bones, names will never hurt me.” My grandchildren’s generation on the other hand, is being raised in such a manner, that the greatest social sin is to say something “hurtful.”

I pity my grandchildren’s generation. They are being shortchange when it comes to the facts of life. “Everybody hurts somebody sometime.” Most of the time, it is totally unintentional. Some of the time, it is totally misconstrued. I recall officiating at a wedding for the Rabinowitz family. It was a family of three children. I had previously officiated at the weddings of the older two siblings. In my remarks, I made mention of the fact of how delighted I was, that each Rabinowitz child had married into a nice Jewish family. No sooner was the glass broken, when I was accosted by cousin Mel. “Rabbi, I want you to know that you stabbed me with a knife and then twisted the knife while it was in me.” It turned out, that Mel’s three children had married out of the faith. Had this wedding taken place on 2019 instead of 1989, chances are that cousin Mel would have accosted me by saying, that my remarks under the chuppah were “hurtful.”

As Jews, we bear a brunt of the responsibility for introducing the overused usage of “hurtful” into American parlance. As Jews, we have been much too sensitive and far too quick to take non-Jews to task for saying “hurtful” things, despite the fact that being hurtful was the furthest thing from their mind. Although this may very well be regional, G-d help any Christian who invokes Jesus in an invocation. There is bound to be at least one of us present, who will not hesitate to point to the one who invoked, how offended he/she was by including the name “Jesus.” As a group, we have a knee-jerk reaction whenever we hear the term “Jew” come out of a Christian mouth. Any Christian who innocently goes up to the microphone and proclaims how touched he/she is seeing so many Jews in attendance, will be pronounced guilty for not have used the phrase  “Jewish friends.”  Perhaps it’s time to give Christians the benefit of the doubt, that they mean no harm.

As Jews, we are quick to go on the defensive.  Even when a reckless comment is made, such as “Jews have all the money” or “Jews control the media,” we Jews must remind ourselves never to go on the defensive. We bear no guilt. Hence, we have nothing to defend. Rather than going on the defensive, we should consider responding in a totally unanticipated fashion.  To the former comment, we may consider saying: “If that’s wishful thinking on you part, I appreciate your comment more than you will ever know. If that’s a criticism on your part, I wish we Jews had even more money than that.” To the latter, we may consider saying: “Perhaps you should be more careful in how you treat me, because I have powerful friends in the Jewish controlled media…you wouldn’t believe what they can do for people like you, or to people like you!”

It was the great sage, Elazar from Modiin (an uncle of the revolutionary Bar Kochba), who said: “He who (negatively) embarrasses his friend in public, it is as though he sheds his blood.” Clearly, hurtful statements have been around ever since the advent of communication. But with Rabbi Elazar, it was personal. How Rabbi Elazar would have responded to thoughtless comments couched in generalizations, how Rabbi Elazar would have reacted to worn out phrases, is best left open to speculation. Remember however, if personal (negative) embarrassment is tantamount to murder, then personal accolades ought to be a boon to someone’s life.

Rather than zero in on real or perceived “hurtful” words from others, we Americans would be well advised to listen for “pleasing” words  from others. Our society and culture can only benefit from such an approach and in doing so become healthier and stronger.

 

PERCENTAGES

I am most likely in the minority, but in reading about International Holocaust Remembrance Day which was commemorated this past Sunday, I was not the least bit alarmed to learn that 52% of millennials cannot name even one ghetto or concentration camp that existed during the Holocaust. Nor was I dismayed to learn that 62% of millennials did not know that six million Jewish lives were snuffed out in the Holocaust. Please understand, in this case, I forgive any and all millennials for being oblivious. Quite frankly, I’m not in any way convinced that the millennials are different in any way different from any other segment of the population in this country. I would however be alarmed and dismayed if 62% or even 52% of the population in this country:

a) felt that Jews wielded too much power in this country and in doing so, had both Congress and the Senate under their thumb and that Jews controlled the media. As one strongly feels that the Holocaust ought to be sacrosanct as far as Jews are concerned, I am much more concerned about the outside world being aware of the state of the Jews in the here and now. Learning about the Holocaust, portrays Jews as victims; perceiving Jews as being in control of government as well as the media, portrays Jews as assailants.  Both  are portrayals, that are nothing short of repugnant. If I were forced to choose between being portrayed as a victim or being portrayed as an assailant, I would opt for the former. For it is the latter that creates disdain. And it is disdain and not sympathy that has historically caused us bloodshed and expulsion. I am relieved that far less than 62% or even 52% in this country do not feel that we Jews wield too much power I this country.

b) felt that there is a kernel of truth to any and all anti-Semitic remarks. Close to a decade or so, I showed a group of teenagers here at Tiferet a clip from the ABC network  “What Would You Do” . It was shot a N.J. bakery, where an employee (staged) refused to put up a flyer given to him by two Jewish teenagers about a Job Fair at a nearby synagogue. While most of the customers in the bakery told the employee that he was way out of line with his attitude towards Jews as well as what he said, there was one customer who felt that there was a kernel of truth to Jews being too pushy and controlling  all the money (the customer cited Bernie Madoff). I am grateful that this was a minority view. I am relieved that far fewer than  62% or even 52% of the populace in this country do not feel that there is a kernel of truth to any and all anti-Semitism.

c) felt that the Holocaust was a hoax. Unlike so many others, I am adamant that the Holocaust never be forgotten, not because of the outside world, but primarily because of the lessons it holds for us Jews. The first lesson is that no Jew should be smug enough to reassure himself  that there will never be another Holocaust. The Lubavitcher Rebbe was once asked if he thought that “it could happen here”. Without flinching, he said: “Morgen in der frie (tomorrow morning)”. The Holocaust teaches us that we dare not expect others to take a stance and to rush to help. If we do, we will be bitterly disappointed. Perhaps most important of all, the Holocaust teaches us  about unbelievable acts of heroism on the part of the precious few – Jews and non-Jews – who dared to do what most did could not or would not. Unlike so many others, for me the Holocaust teaches us that hope peeks through when hopelessness overwhelms. Perish the thought that 62% or even 52% of the populace in this country believe that the Holocaust was a hoax.

The fact that 62% of millennials or any other segment of the population did not know that six million perished, the fact that 52% of millennials  or any other segment of the population were unable to name a ghetto or concentration camp – the same percentage would in all likelihood be unable to list ten American Presidents or ten states and their capitals – does not faze me at all. I find solace:

that when it comes to feeling that Jews wield too much power in this country

that when it comes to feeling that there is a kernel of truth to any and all anti-Semitic remarks

that when it comes to feeling that the Holocaust was a hoax

and that the percentage of Americans who hold these feelings is reassuringly very low.